Let's set the record straight about judgmental thoughts -- not all judging is harsh and malevolent!
JUDGING FOR GOOD
It’s truly a universal human behavior. We assess, consider, decide, and arbitrate about people, situations, and everything all the time. Judging is a key part of our decision making process. We make a slew of judgments as part of our common everyday choices including judgments that keep us safe from harm.
IT'S A COVER UP
But judging people or situations can also be decoy for something else. Judging can be a cover up for more vulnerable feelings, for example, insecurity. Take this situation -- a client of mine was adamant that she couldn’t speak with her father about her romantic life for fear of her father’s judgment. During our discussion, she admitted she felt deeply unhappy in her circumstance and was harshly judging herself but didn’t want to reveal it to her father. So instead of seeking the support from her father, she made up an untrue story that her father would judge her about it.
Another client explained how unhappy she was in her design-related job. She said it was taking up too much of her time; it was the wrong job; and she hated the industry as well. When we discussed it further, she revealed that she actually was feeling worried about her abilities on the job and what her colleagues thought of her. She creating negative judgements about her job as a way to mask her insecure feelings about it. In reality, she admitted that she actually wanted to continue to do her line of work but wanted to do it on her own terms and start her own company.
AHA! A DECOY
So judgments can be a decoy, a defense mechanism, for more raw feelings. It’s possible, and likely, that everyone does this from time to time. Ask yourself: are you consistently harshly judging a person or situation in you life? It’s likely you are thinking along these lines to protect another more naked feeling that might feel challenging to admit. Try taking a deeper look at what emotions are going on beneath the judgments. As the famous man once said, the truth shall set you free.
Do you need help detangling your judgmental thinking? Please schedule a free coaching consultation, I’d love to help you.