There is absolutely no way to know when our last day will be. Ultimately, we don't have control of this. Scary, for sure, especially when so much of our lives are predicated on various systems or controls -- laws, logic, etiquette.
But what if this was your last day and you knew it? <Sigh>
What would you do to make things 'right' for yourself? How would you make your last hours peaceful and easy? What emotions or angst would you let go of? And who would you speak with? What could you forgive?
I had these thoughts popping around in my head recently, in part, because my father died late in the month of December, twelve years ago. He died, tragically and accidentally. I can't know how my Dad's last day was but I have a hunch he died with a sense of ease.
My dad was diabetic for nearly 30 years and overall, he had a hard time controlling it. He had a habit of giving himself an aggressive amount of insulin to keep his sugar levels low to help maintain his overall health but this approach didn't work well for him. He would often lapse into low sugar states and a bunch of times dip into near coma. He wouldn't change his approach even after my mom saved his life many times as did some NYC and Los Angeles EMTs. But this time, twelve years ago, he was alone (my parents no longer lived together) and he couldn't save himself.
I called him that night to catch up and wish him a Happy New Year. He was watching the NY Giants on television and sounded a little groggy. His voice triggered my familiar concern about his sugar levels. I asked him if he was okay and if he needed to get some orange juice (very sugary). In response, he cracked a joke saying he felt badly because the Giants were playing so poorly. His humor was my relief -- if he was able to make a joke then he wasn't in a low sugar state which made him loopy and disorientated.
We said a few other simple things. We ended the call, as we usually did, with our goodbye salutation - 'I love you as big as the world'.
I called him the next day. He didn't answer. And I discovered shortly after that he had had his last day. It's been hell and back recovering from his death but I am comforted with the thought that he felt my love and was at ease as he slipped away.
If this was your last day, what who would to speak with or what would you let go of to find peace?