In my coaching work, harsh and punishing thoughts are given the funny and appropriate label of 'dictator'. Recognizing and laughing at this thinking is part of the way to squash it. And it must be squashed because it's terribly counterproductive (and cruel).
WHY THE DICTATOR?
Generally, people employ the voice of the dictator during times of struggle and fear. They believe that the heavy handed approach will help them claim control of a situation. But the variety of ways that 'the dictator' plays itself out in our thinking or behavior can feel really rough. Specifically, the domain of the dictator is harsh self criticism, extreme rules, 'discipline' and limiting beliefs. Say no!
MISSING OUT
Think about it, in this intolerant head space, other feelings must disappear. It's goodbye to joy, compassion, pleasure, benevolence, tenderness, acceptance and love, just to name a few. Truth is to solve most or all life problems, manage fears and enjoy ourselves, we need to engage and lead with those emotions. Yes to compassion!
THE FOIL: THE WILD CHILD
For some people who 'employ' the dictator, they may also oscillate towards it's opposite, 'the wild child', who may be a reckless rule breaker, a rowdy lush, or an irresponsible pleasure seeker. This emotional seesawing can be really dizzying.
DROP THE BAD HABIT
Let go of the dictator and/or wild child. I think of them as bad habits that we can change. A significantly more productive (and benevolent) voice is 'the moderator'. This is where your awesomeness comes from. It's condition of knowing what fits and what doesn't; knowing what is true for you; and what truly feels great. This is your essential YOU. Let's get you back there!
TO GET STARTED
To embrace your essential self, get connected to your most meaningful desires. Get curious and wonder about the feelings you want to have in specific parts of your life. This may take some investigating but the more attention you give to uncovering this, the closer you will be to feeling it and being it. It's absolutely possible.
If you would like assistance in finding your 'moderator' voice, please arrange a free coaching session!
It hit me like a thud when someone said it to me. I was blindsided by it and it radically changed my perspective...for the better. I'm referring to the realization that the thoughts I had in my head were deeply affecting my life.